Nurture

My daughter asked me, “Mom, what would you do if someone gave you $6000?” We were on the way to the store and my mind has been challenged by the bills I have to pay. My answer surprises me in hindsight, as I left out the piece of work I have been doing for 7 years. I replied, “Honey, I would pay my bills, and then I would consider what I really need right now. If there was anything left, I would use it to have an experience – probably through travel.” I was thinking this was an opportunity to demonstrate financial priorities. But she had me totally beat. She shared, “Mom, if someone gave it to me, I would give it all away.” I was stunned and nearly wept at her words. Pretending this was a normal response and quickly bookmarking my own selfishness for later reflection, I inquired, “What would you give the money to?”

Let’s zoom out a second and present two contexts which likely stimulated her thinking.

First, for the holidays this year, she received a doll. It looked sort of like a groovy girl, and it had an online world like a webkinz would. And, critically important here, it included a small donation. When she logged into her account the day before with her dad, she learned about other people in the world…people she hadn’t really thought about. She had heard her mom say things about people who are starving or don’t have homes or health, but this site made it concrete to her. She could choose to give her dollar to feed the hungry, help someone who had an open fire in their tiny shelter, or buy books for children without much access to a library. She is a big reader and goes to the library several times a month. She chose to give the book.

Second, she had caught some of the news about the earthquake in Haiti. Her school had raised money to donate to the cause. She seemed troubled that people’s homes would fall apart and they would go hungry.

So her reply fit snugly in this context. She wanted the money to go to feed the hungry – those who were victims of earthquakes and hurricanes. She also wanted it to be paid to construction workers to build homes that would survive earthquakes. We giggled over my “homes that wiggle but they won’t fall down” phrasing of her request. I saw this as two requests – both for architects to design more resilient homes and the workers that would build those homes.

I was deeply touched. I wish I had the cash to let her give, but my choice had been to forgo income so that I could dedicate my time to social change. I am frugal and dance around the poverty line myself, so giving money wasn’t my option. I chose to give time, and I try to do so in a highly leveraged fashion. This is my choice, and others may chose differently.

There is magic in the world.

I posted her aspiration on twitter. And several friends cheered. But someone I have hardly engaged with and only recently encountered briefly on twitter committed to giving her $100 to donate to her chosen cause. Did I mention that there is magic in the world? This morning the money hit my account. My daughter and I have some due diligence to do. (You can’t work on communications in philanthropy for 7 years and feel okay about giving to the most visible cause…due diligence is crucial, especially in a crisis where application of funds can lead to drastically different results.)

I promise to share with you our process and the results next week.

Believe in the magic – the generosity, pay it forward attitude, and the gift that gives on – philanthropy.

A note on ROI. Will the person who donated ever be able to measure the ROI of the gift? Is the ROI just the impact made when the $100 turns into an action or object? Far from it. The ROI on this sort of philanthropy is immeasurable. The gift will be given, action taken, and someone or some people will get a benefit. More than that my daughter will see herself differently. Someone believed in her…from afar. Her generous heart was rewarded with real money to give on. How that will impact her, and what she will do with that can’t be measured until all the days of her life have been utterly spent and her legacy may continue on even after that? The story may become part of the family history, creating traditions of giving forward. Her life might be made richer for how she feels about herself, allowing her to be courageous in her generosity to those she meets, even in the briefest encounters. Like the tired expression of a ripple – it can echo on in myriad ways into our future. I urge you not to underestimate the power of a gift…but we can’t help but do so, for the complex systems by which energy flows in our shared world can’t really be fathomed. Give on.